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Saturday, November 17, 2012

Cellulite is STILL the New Black.

Hello Internet Friends!

This is day #3 of my "post a blog every day for 30 days"... You don't think I can do this shit, do you? Hah!


I'm trying to get back down to 150 lbs. I know, scary. Scary that that even seems ideal to me right now.

Operation 150 lbs. - in full effect.

I started back at the gym a few months ago after an almost 3 year hiatus bc I have a toddler who is still on sleep strike.

Is it a problem that I'm now fatter then I was AFTER I had a child? Uhmm, yes- it is.

It is because my inner thighs rubbing together is a fire hazard. And because I can't fit into any of my clothes. And because I'm starting to resemble my mother. Oops, Sorry mom! (My mom is much slimmer now so I'm allowed to say that, I think)..

It's not like I have my face shoved into a container of Chinese food daily- it's maybe because I don't get enough sleep.. And that leads to weight gain.. And to skipping the gym. And getting older.. and.. anything else I can think of to blame it on.

I know it doesn't seem like a lot of weight to some people. But I'm talking about needing to lose about 10 lbs of fat. When you're muscle turns to fat- it can sometimes be an optical illusion.

Until you try to sprint somewhere. Which for me- is not often.

Have you ever felt some part of your fat move in a separate direction than the rest of you when you tried to run somewhere? Yeah, that.

Gravity's a bitch.

It's a really shrek-ish feeling and just.. Oh shit- totally awful and gross. I kinda want to go on strike about having to be in my own skin. Except- I can't.

F**K. - is what I say to myself.

Well, guess what?


I rejoined the gym. It feels like a small piece of my old life has been revived- which has been DOA for quite some time.

I never thought I'd still be telling you that cellulite is the new black. Or that after over 17 years straight of working out regularly, that I would think even getting down to 150 lbs would make me happy. Because holy hell, it really would.

I am about 152 lbs now. After I hit 150, I will reward myself and stuff my face with chicken lo mein and then begin Operation 145 lbs.

Rinse, repeat. I will post every sordid detail.

Slow and steady wins the race!

While back at the gym, I saw some people both inspired and- threatend me. I saw people who looked SO much more fit than me.. And people who looked - so much more like.. shrek than me. On one hand, I was all "I gotta get my game back to look somewhat like these skinny bitches in here. "

On the other- I was all "omg, I'm so happy I don't look like THAT.." That was the one who threatened me. Threatened me with graduating to the plus size section of life in the store.

It's like being sent to the corner- of life.

I think I'm really somewhere in between. It's really not so bad yet, except, I really can't afford all new clothes. And I'm tired of feeling like I have a torniquets on my legs instead of jeans. I don't like the cognitive dissonance I feel when my fat moves in the opposite direction of the rest of me when I jog. That's just.. WRONG. 

Is anyone with me here? Tell me about your struggles, your cellulite induced cognitive dissonace or where the hell you sprint to.. Something.

DE-LURK people!

I think for now I will spare you a picture.. because I'm sure you don't want to see proof the cellulite is the new black.. In my world anyway.

So, in the words of Tim Gunn.. Carry on folks!