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Thursday, November 22, 2012

It's Official. My Blog is Brilliant.

Today, I got an email from a good friend. He lives in Colorado now and he follows this blog. I was so happy to hear from him because- hello? He said my blog was brilliant!

That is the ultimate compliment coming from a true friend. A true friend whom I also respect because he is funny, witty and honest. Thank you, true friend in Colorado.. named Chris Fic.

This morning, I was up early and felt like a Mom Marine. I was getting more shit done than- the usual shit I get done.. before 6 AM!

I went to the gym to address Operation 150 for the day and was then on my way to the liquor store when... I saw the Bagels 4 U shop was open.  ZOMG... I had to stop. Because.. starving. Open bagel shop? Must stop.

I ordered a breakfast bagel sandwich and then while they were making it- it ocurred to me. WTF are you doing? It's Thanksgiving! I have an 80 ton ham waiting for me to cook and eat. And mashed potatoes. And stuffing and ... nevermind.

Speaking of cooking ..

Yesterday, I cooked a 13 lb. turkey in advance. You can do this if you A. Have a 20 lb ham to cook the following day and-  B. If you have some kind of awesome gravy that doctors up a pre-cooked mummified turkey.

I followed the directions exactly and when I took my turkey out .. it looked like a a crispy frozen tight mummy. Like pieces of old carpet patched together on the skeleton of a bird. No lie. I was all f**k! What the hell am I gonna do with crispy mummy meat? Patch the stained carpet in my apartment? Pour awesome gravy all over it and hope people are scared to say anything?

I'm going with the latter.

Because it's Thanksgiving.. and because I'm a bit tipsy already- I'm allowed to phone this one in. I had big plans of giving you awesome recipes for mac and cheese and other things but I need a premature nap.

Trust me, it's for the best.

But, before I go-- I want to know. Did the cops come to anyone's house yet? How did you cope with your aunt/uncle _______________ (fill in the blank)?? Did your grandmother's house have wi-fi? Dial up even? WTF.

Sometimes, it's truly awesome when the cops come to your NEIGHBOR'S house on Thanksgiving.. drama you can truly enjoy.

I will end today's post on a positive note.. Thanksgiving overeating probably leads to:  less skinny jeans.. for at least 2 weeks! Hah!


tags: Whatchya gonna do when they come for you? Bad- boys, Bad-boyysss..     Hangovers aren't awesome.