Look at This Crap.
What IS this?
This Lawn Ornament Whisperer is ---- so very loud without making a sound.
Is this you? Do you do crap like this?
If so, your neighbors should water board you continuously while playing Dick Cheney's version Silent Night.
The extended remixed version.
What exactly goes on inside the head of The Lawn Ornament Whisperer?
I don't think anyone will ever know.
Maybe it's something like:
"I think what I really need here to make this the' right kind of festive' is 17 giant Santa Clauses, a monkey, an abominable snowman, 14 strings of blinking lights, Micky & Minnie Mouse... and Uhhmm..."
Which one is your craptastic favorite?
This one is totally mine.
I kind of almost want one of these now. If... I had a lawn.
What exactly is going on here with Micky & Minnie?
Don't answer that.
Would you be down for a Christmas Eve obstacle course race slalom style on this lawn? It must serve some kind of purpose.
If you want to tour this awesomity- it's on Somerset St in Raritan, NJ.
I know, shocking.
Because Raritan ? Is usually? So. Much. Classier. - than that.
Btw- John Basilone? Just turned over in his grave.