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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The Holiday Sweater Is Not Your Friend

Let's talk for a moment about the holiday sweater.

If you own a Christmas sweater, I'm talking specifically to you.


What is it about these craptastic things that you like? What goes through your mind as you're trying it on and looking at yourself in a 1980's sweater- that has a giant Rudolf plastered across the front with jingle bells and red balls and crap hanging all over it? They have Christmas scenes and snowmen and presents and..

It's like the sweater that threw up on itself.

Is the front is having a Christmas graffiti contest against the back?

Not even the most stylish black person can not make a holiday sweater acceptable. Epic. Fail.

The only thing worse than the holiday sweater - is a pregnant person wearing one- with a giant 3-D bow, red skinny jeans, sitting on couch wrapped up in a Snuggie.

Do aliens come down to Earth, kidnap humans and make them wear holiday sweaters?

W. T. F. ??

Put that shit back on the rack and step SLOWLY away from the holiday sweater..

Do they make Christmas Snuggies? Omg, they probably do. I can't even look.

Awesomely cringeworthy.

The only holiday sweaters considered acceptable:

 The End.