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Saturday, December 15, 2012

Is Beef Jerky Like Pleather Made in China?


I was standing in line at Walmart the other day..I hadn't eaten in a few hours and I was starving.

Suddenly, the beef jerky hanging by the cashier line started to look appetizing.

Yeah, I know.
Normally, I don't touch stuff like this. I'm not even tempted or intrigued.
But this time? I don't know. I was hungry. The line was long. I was now-  intrigued?
So I decide to buy a pouch of this stuff. Something named Jack Link's or something like that?
I get to my car and open the package.
Looks like...leather? No- pleather, actually. Suddenly? I have flashbacks of shopping on Canal St. ..
I take a bite of it.. which was like- soft raw hide? I think I kind of like it because it's salty.. like teriyaki flavor or something.
Hmmmm. Dried beef. In a bag. Which tastes like a beef teriyaki shoe lace. But yet- still kind of good.
The whole time I'm chewing it, I'm realizing more and more what it is that I'm actually chewing..
Internal Dialogue:
"You're chewing a dead animal. A dead animal that was dried out like- in the sun or something. For DAYS.  A cow. You're chewing old dried out dead cow meat that was sealed in a bag for sale in the impulse buy area near the cashier at Walmart. You have reached a new low.."
But guess what?
I couldn't stop chewing.
Maybe it's this indoctrination we go through as children of eating meat- dead animals- that makes us so nonchalant about it. Because, you know, we don't see their heads. We don't see the dried meat SPLAYED out in the sun for days. We just eat it.
By the way, I know someone (whose name rhymes with Zena) who didn't know that shrimp have heads- with eyes. And that they get cut off (In this country, anyway) before they're sold to us.
Yes, I did. I have enlightened this friend. Or ruined her view of shrimp.. however you want to look at that. Shrimp are nothing like scallops. They were practically cast members of The Little Mermaid.. They have heads- with eyes. They have feelings. Shrimp need love too.
Where am I going with this?
I don't really know.
Just remembered.. really tired. Gotta go to bed.
The End.