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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Heyyy, want to see a cute baby picture? Or 10?

hello again internet friends..

i've been trying to get back here to post something but admittedly, it's very hard because... SHANE!

speaking of such- can i interest you in some more cute baby pictures?

"i will dee-stwoy your house.. and your bank account and you social life and your carpets and your...     muuhwaa waa wahh!"

DAMAGE CONTROL... ya know people?

"just wait til i can walk.. i haz big plans for dis place!"

omg..speaking of walking? my son started crawling a few days ago.. initially, we thought this was wonderful and cute and..  all that crap. yeah. well i quickly realized how much havoc this wreaks on your know- because i don't have nearly enough of that already and i was hoping he'd start trying to stand up and then walk shortly thereafter just to ensure i'd have something to do with all of my free time..

well whuddaya know? he is now pulling himself up on every single piece of damn furniture, human legs, you name it-- and trying to take steps.. yeah. because that's how my son rolls ya'll. he thinks he can walk now-like it's nobodies business.. except for one very important thing: he really can't. so this gives my carefree days of boredom and endless spare time something to focus on- being a human piece of landing gear! who ever would have thought?

"as soon as i stand up, i'm going to put my fingers in that box fan and then snack on some electrical cords..MMmmmm, tasty!"

"let GO of me daddy, you're not the boss of me! now where did i leave my cholly brown doll?"

so yeah- this is what i'm dealing with now. i'm not going to be one of those parents who brags about "how advanced my kid is" because, well- he does it for me. and i'm not really happy that i'm his human landing gear on standby 24/7 now because honestly- i realize now how much easier it was when he was more of a cute blob that would sit on the floor pretty much in one spot if i belted out the itsy bitsy spider in a very desperate with nascar like speed attempt to wash his annoying dr. brown's bottles. all 25 of them.

while we are on the subject of the itsy bitsy spider- i would like to announce that i have had the "yo gabba gabba" theme song in my head for the last three days. for those of you who don't know what yo gabba gabba is- it's a ridiculous, LSD like version of barney with a hint of sesame street in a 70's type setting. does that make sense? ok, no, i know it doesn't- but that's really what it's like. these are the yo gabba gabba characters that shane LOVES and DC and i HATE:

"we will brainwash your child with songs so you will have to buy our merchandise..  muu-wahh-wahh-wahh!"

but here's the thing about such merchandise: it doesn't exist! well, not new stuff anyway. it's no longer produced so desperate moms are forced to go to ebay to buy used stuffed animals and toys relating to yo gabba gabba..and they are charging like $100 for "Muno"- the red one-eyed hot dog looking one, which is of course, the one all the kids want-shane included.

so what's a mom to do? an unemployed mom-might i remind you.. naturally, i'm going to MAKE one! ah hahahahaaa..  yeah, i'm talented like that. when i get it all finished, like in 2014, i'll post pictures here of the results. then when shane's like 12 years old and doesn't want it anymore, i'll sell it on ebay for like $100 or something, depending on how much snot and throw up is on it ya know?

just sayin..

can we talk about gary coleman here for a second?

because i just had a gary coleman thought (because it's all over the damn news and gary coleman's very important-especially compared to the ginormous oil spill that's killing off animals and ruining beaches and well-the world..) it says here on the internet that gary coleman fell and hit his head and basically bled all over utah while his not-really wife was "upstairs" and how she didn't want to/couldn't/wouldn't help him for whatever scary reason she gave to the 911 operator at the time.. then gary coleman ends up on life support for like 5 whole minutes before she's all pulling the plug on him in the hospital saying she didn't want him to end up like terry schiavo or muhamed ali or whatever.. it gets even weirder because no one ever asks any questions.. like well, damnn, how did gary fall hard enough to bleed all over utah? why was he only on life support for like 5 minutes and 20 seconds before she was like, yes, please yank that now thank you very much.. boo hoo to the press at 6 minutes... then she's all over the talk shows or whatever giving statements like - i swear to god i didn't push him- i was upstairs, how could anyone say that!? that's totally hilarious because no one ever even said that! does anyone smell a fish here? i mean, how does someone like this get away with some kind of obvious suspicious activity like this and no one questions anything? i'm going to chalk this one up to the weirdness of people in utah-the authorities and whoever.. after all, utah is really freaking weird place.. everyone already knows that. i mean, i guess the point i'm trying to make here is well- two points.. one is that the media is so hell bent on reporting crap about gary coleman- like he was really that important. he got really weird towards the end and the media made a mockery of him, showing clips of him bashing windshields in road rage and gary in televised divorce court..and then talks subsequently about the oil spill that has already ruined beaches as far away as florida.. like they compare! the second is- well i'm fascinated how gary coleman could never catch a freaking break. his parents robbed him and the media made a mockery of him..he was reduced to d list activities and such to generate enough money to sustain life in utah.. and in the end, the poor guys getting screwed over even while dying.. that's what i'm talkin 'bout willis..  so sad.

RIP gary coleman...

let's end this post with something positive.. like another cute BABY PICTURE!

shane, don't worry, you're never going to be forced to be a child star.. because we would never live in crummy los angeles, and well.. you know mommy already has plans for you and wall street..  love you angel!

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